transparency...

Okay so time for me to be transparent...

These last few days have been very rough for me. Between being financially stressed, not knowing where my relationship is with Andrew, PMS-ing, etc. I went overboard. On top of it, I have the privilege of "floating" between a few locations within my salon's company. The issue is some of the locations offer a lot of temptations: Free soda at a food place next door, coworkers offering me their food they can't finish (like ice cream, french fries), coworkers ordering food and me obliging....it's not their fault, by far, because they are trying to be nice but I'm an addict.

Hello, my name is Holly and I'm addicted to food.

I knew this journey would would be rough but man I had no clue. Yesterday I binged badly, went WELL over my macros (proteins, carbs, fat grams). So I thought okay, I will get over today's struggle and tomorrow will be a new day. Well we had a company get together at a baseball game and the food, OI, all the food. I thought I could handle it. I planned to eat there in my daily meal planning and figured I'd be okay. But one burger turned in to one and a half, funnel cakes were everywhere, cookies galore, and I couldn't stop myself! So what happens? I feel like an utter failure. Now I'm scared I can't do this. Scared I will slip in to my old ways and continue on with this vicious cycle. I know I can and I will win this battle but it's mentally draining working through the process. I have to remind myself that this is a lengthy process. I figured it would take me two years to hit my goal weight. I've only been on this journey for three months and it's only week two being a LP3 teammate and I want this so bad. I guess I need to constantly remind myself of what my coach said to me, "Kick that voice that tells you you're not worthy in the ass (sorry I'm a little pumped up about it for you) and run over it. You are worthy of being the best you that you can be and it's only a matter of time. Don't listen again to that voice, tell yourself opposite and do opposite of what you feel like doing basically." Yea...she's right....I'm gonna do that.

FYI: Prayer for my health and mentality is always welcomed. Thanks.