So I'll be starting something new. My coach, Brooke, gave me some homework: "As far as the binging goes I want you to start writing every time you binge in your blog about how you feel before and after. When you have the temptations I want you to write how you're feeling at that time and why you want to. After if you can't resist and choose to indulge, I want you to write how you're feeling. I want you to refer to that before/after every time you have temptations."
So tonight I had a temptation.
I was was having stomach issues all day, but ended up okay by the end of the day. I stopped at the grocery store but there is a Taco Johns right by. I sat there in my car thinking about it. Even looked it up on MyFitnessPal to see if it could fall in to my Macros. I even found myself almost at the drive-thru but I drove off. I thought, NO, I can't have fast food.
So how was a feeling:
Tired.
Why I wanted the food:
Didn't want to go home and make dinner, so fast and easy.
Been craving tacos.
How I feel about not indulging:
Proud of myself.
Glad I didn't do it. I know it would of messed up my stomach and hurt my progress.
One baby step closer to getting rid of this food addiction.
5.29.2014
5.26.2014
transparency...
Okay so time for me to be transparent...
These last few days have been very rough for me. Between being financially stressed, not knowing where my relationship is with Andrew, PMS-ing, etc. I went overboard. On top of it, I have the privilege of "floating" between a few locations within my salon's company. The issue is some of the locations offer a lot of temptations: Free soda at a food place next door, coworkers offering me their food they can't finish (like ice cream, french fries), coworkers ordering food and me obliging....it's not their fault, by far, because they are trying to be nice but I'm an addict.
FYI: Prayer for my health and mentality is always welcomed. Thanks.
These last few days have been very rough for me. Between being financially stressed, not knowing where my relationship is with Andrew, PMS-ing, etc. I went overboard. On top of it, I have the privilege of "floating" between a few locations within my salon's company. The issue is some of the locations offer a lot of temptations: Free soda at a food place next door, coworkers offering me their food they can't finish (like ice cream, french fries), coworkers ordering food and me obliging....it's not their fault, by far, because they are trying to be nice but I'm an addict.
Hello, my name is Holly and I'm addicted to food.I knew this journey would would be rough but man I had no clue. Yesterday I binged badly, went WELL over my macros (proteins, carbs, fat grams). So I thought okay, I will get over today's struggle and tomorrow will be a new day. Well we had a company get together at a baseball game and the food, OI, all the food. I thought I could handle it. I planned to eat there in my daily meal planning and figured I'd be okay. But one burger turned in to one and a half, funnel cakes were everywhere, cookies galore, and I couldn't stop myself! So what happens? I feel like an utter failure. Now I'm scared I can't do this. Scared I will slip in to my old ways and continue on with this vicious cycle. I know I can and I will win this battle but it's mentally draining working through the process. I have to remind myself that this is a lengthy process. I figured it would take me two years to hit my goal weight. I've only been on this journey for three months and it's only week two being a LP3 teammate and I want this so bad. I guess I need to constantly remind myself of what my coach said to me, "Kick that voice that tells you you're not worthy in the ass (sorry I'm a little pumped up about it for you) and run over it. You are worthy of being the best you that you can be and it's only a matter of time. Don't listen again to that voice, tell yourself opposite and do opposite of what you feel like doing basically." Yea...she's right....I'm gonna do that.
FYI: Prayer for my health and mentality is always welcomed. Thanks.
5.16.2014
I'm LP3
Well it's been 11 days since I've updated. Don't get me wrong, I'm still on my journey but it's getting harder. Some lack of motivation here and there but I refuse to stop. So let's recap.
M 5th- 30 min Cardio. 31 min Strength.
T 6th- rest day.
W 7th- 53 min Cardio. 46 min Strength.
TH 8th- my back KILLED me from the workout on Wednesday plus I worked 11 hours so took the day off.
F 9th- work was busy and my body still wasn't feeling it so I skipped.
S 10th- 55 min Cardio. 35 min Strength.
SU 11th- skipped workout, no excuse.
So overall not bad...not 100% but still better than two months ago. Oh and I finally weighed myself. I was terrified since I haven't been 100% on my game. I actually went to weigh myself and ran away from the scale but Andrew made me do it. Guess what? I lost 5 more pounds! Hooray!! I was shocked, really shocked. I didn't even do my best and I still had a great loss. So is this working? I think so. It also made me realize that I need to not be so hard on myself when I have a lapse. As long as I get back up and get back to it, that's what's important. Like I said, I'm still doing a lot more than I was two/three months ago. So I need to not beat myself up.
Okay, so now I want to get to this week. I know the week isn't over but it's been an different week.
First off, I'm going to admit it.
Monday the 12th- Wednesday the 14th, nadda. I ate bad, I ate fast food, I drank more pop, and didn't work out. But there was a reason, not a good reason and not an excuse by any means, but still in my mind it made some irrational sense. Remember in some posts back I said I was joining an online fitness community with an online coach/trainer? Well I got my plan- nutritional and fitness plans on Thursday the 15th. I've been waiting and waiting for two weeks and the 15th finally arrived. So from the 12th through the 14th I kept saying, these are my last days! My last days to say goodbye to fast food (well, maybe fast food once a month but not on a weekly basis), my last days of pop (I think I will let myself have one or two a week, but not a jumbo pop), my last days of uber greasy food and super sweets (except on occasion). I felt like I was having my "last meal" or "last meal(s)." So like I said, not a good excuse but it's time to get on the ball. Time to start doing meal plans, cook delicious yet healthy meals, and focus. I won't go too much in to the plan since these plans are customized just for me. Basically, they took in to account everything, from height and weight, to my job profession, to my health issues, and my overall goals. I will focus on my Macronutrients, strength training 5 days a week, cardio 3 days a week, and core workouts 2 days a week. And the plan will be updated every two weeks or at least monthly. I'm really excited to be apart of this group, the coaches are amazing people and the people in the community are so supportive! So I'm officially an LP3 Team member!! The LP stands for the LEDBetter Project and the 3 stands for body, mind and soul. "To “Ledbetter” is to Live, Love, and Learn Every Day Better than the last and to strive for daily improvements of the body, mind, and soul." Feel free to go to their website and look at their mission or I guess now, MY mission. http://www.ledbetterinc.com/
So now it's on!! The fire under my butt is even hotter and I'm beyond excited.
28 pounds down overall.
104-114 pounds to go.
M 5th- 30 min Cardio. 31 min Strength.
T 6th- rest day.
W 7th- 53 min Cardio. 46 min Strength.
TH 8th- my back KILLED me from the workout on Wednesday plus I worked 11 hours so took the day off.
F 9th- work was busy and my body still wasn't feeling it so I skipped.
S 10th- 55 min Cardio. 35 min Strength.
SU 11th- skipped workout, no excuse.
So overall not bad...not 100% but still better than two months ago. Oh and I finally weighed myself. I was terrified since I haven't been 100% on my game. I actually went to weigh myself and ran away from the scale but Andrew made me do it. Guess what? I lost 5 more pounds! Hooray!! I was shocked, really shocked. I didn't even do my best and I still had a great loss. So is this working? I think so. It also made me realize that I need to not be so hard on myself when I have a lapse. As long as I get back up and get back to it, that's what's important. Like I said, I'm still doing a lot more than I was two/three months ago. So I need to not beat myself up.
Okay, so now I want to get to this week. I know the week isn't over but it's been an different week.
First off, I'm going to admit it.
Monday the 12th- Wednesday the 14th, nadda. I ate bad, I ate fast food, I drank more pop, and didn't work out. But there was a reason, not a good reason and not an excuse by any means, but still in my mind it made some irrational sense. Remember in some posts back I said I was joining an online fitness community with an online coach/trainer? Well I got my plan- nutritional and fitness plans on Thursday the 15th. I've been waiting and waiting for two weeks and the 15th finally arrived. So from the 12th through the 14th I kept saying, these are my last days! My last days to say goodbye to fast food (well, maybe fast food once a month but not on a weekly basis), my last days of pop (I think I will let myself have one or two a week, but not a jumbo pop), my last days of uber greasy food and super sweets (except on occasion). I felt like I was having my "last meal" or "last meal(s)." So like I said, not a good excuse but it's time to get on the ball. Time to start doing meal plans, cook delicious yet healthy meals, and focus. I won't go too much in to the plan since these plans are customized just for me. Basically, they took in to account everything, from height and weight, to my job profession, to my health issues, and my overall goals. I will focus on my Macronutrients, strength training 5 days a week, cardio 3 days a week, and core workouts 2 days a week. And the plan will be updated every two weeks or at least monthly. I'm really excited to be apart of this group, the coaches are amazing people and the people in the community are so supportive! So I'm officially an LP3 Team member!! The LP stands for the LEDBetter Project and the 3 stands for body, mind and soul. "To “Ledbetter” is to Live, Love, and Learn Every Day Better than the last and to strive for daily improvements of the body, mind, and soul." Feel free to go to their website and look at their mission or I guess now, MY mission. http://www.ledbetterinc.com/
So now it's on!! The fire under my butt is even hotter and I'm beyond excited.
28 pounds down overall.
104-114 pounds to go.
5.05.2014
take your medicine.
Well it's that time to "wrap up the week" and start a new one. I can easily wrap up this week because I did terrible
M- didn't go to gym because it was my gym day off since I worked 10 hours.
T- 30 minutes Cardio. 30 minutes Strength training.
W, TH, F, S, SU- Skipped gym, Lazy.
So as far as my 45 minutes-hour at the gym, six days a week...I did one day. Awful. And you know what, I feel awful. I feel like a failure. I feel depressed. I feel disappointed and ashamed. But why? Wasn't one day a week more than I did before? Yes. I let my hormones (on my period this past week(sorry tmi)) and depression get me down. I think I need to approach this differently. I think I need to start looking at the gym as medication. I take all my medications
every night, and so should I "take on" the gym. Exercising has been the best anti-depressant I have ever taken. The endorphins I get from working out really started to change my life. So this journey is not over...it's just a minor setback. And it's my first set back, I'm sure there is more to come, so I need to stop beating myself up. It's not making me feel any better, and beating myself up is how I got to 302 pounds in the first place.
I will admit, I have some of the best friends a person could ask for. Unfortunately we are all busy with our lives or live far away from each other, but I'm grateful for the bond and support I have. I don't think I would of even made it two months without all the people supporting me and rooting for me. A lot of people have told me I inspire them, can't say I quite get that because I feel like I've done nothing, but I hope someday I will.
This week will be different. I will "take my medicine," by going to the gym. I also set up a meal plan and went grocery shopping. I will not be defeated, but I will defeat the weight.
M- didn't go to gym because it was my gym day off since I worked 10 hours.
T- 30 minutes Cardio. 30 minutes Strength training.
W, TH, F, S, SU- Skipped gym, Lazy.
So as far as my 45 minutes-hour at the gym, six days a week...I did one day. Awful. And you know what, I feel awful. I feel like a failure. I feel depressed. I feel disappointed and ashamed. But why? Wasn't one day a week more than I did before? Yes. I let my hormones (on my period this past week(sorry tmi)) and depression get me down. I think I need to approach this differently. I think I need to start looking at the gym as medication. I take all my medications
I will admit, I have some of the best friends a person could ask for. Unfortunately we are all busy with our lives or live far away from each other, but I'm grateful for the bond and support I have. I don't think I would of even made it two months without all the people supporting me and rooting for me. A lot of people have told me I inspire them, can't say I quite get that because I feel like I've done nothing, but I hope someday I will.
This week will be different. I will "take my medicine," by going to the gym. I also set up a meal plan and went grocery shopping. I will not be defeated, but I will defeat the weight.
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